God has given me the awesome task of raising these little ones to know and love Him. This doesn't seem so hard intellectually. I love my job and I love my God. There's so much to love about this awesome Creator, Savior, Father, Friend. But man-oh-man, the execution of this task is so much harder than it seems it would be. I am a sinner, and my children are too. And though we want to do what is right in God's eyes, so often we don't. God uses broken, leaky vessels to display His glory. What a wonder! I read this prayer today, and it says so well what I cannot find words to say. It is titled: Paradoxes, from the Valley of Vision.
O Changeless God, Under the conviction of thy Spirit I learn that
the more I do, the worse I am,
the more I know, the less I know,
the more holiness I have, the more sinful I am,
the more I love, the more there is to love.
O wretched man that I am!
O Lord,
I have a wild heart,
and cannot stand before thee;
I am like a bird before a man.
How little I love thy truth and ways!
I neglect prayer,
by thinking I have prayed enough and earnestly,
by knowing thou hast saved my soul.
Of all hypocrites, grant that I may not be
an evangelical hypocrite,
who sins more safely because grace abounds,
who tells his lusts that Christ's blood
cleanseth them,
who reasons that God cannot cast them into hell,
for he is saved,
who loves evangelical preaching, churches,
Christians, but lives unholily.
My mind is a bucket without a bottom,
with no mind for spiritual understanding,
no desire for the Lord's Day,
ever learning but never reaching the truth,
always at the gospel well, but never holding water.
My conscience is without conviction or contrition,
with nothing to repent of.
My will is without power of decision or resolution.
My heart is without affection, and full of leaks.
My memory has no retention,
so I forget easily the lessons learned,
and thy truths seep away.
God give me a broken heart that yet carries home
the water of grace.
~Paradoxes, The Valley of Vision
2 comments:
Oh and how beautiful does that prayer from VALLEY OF VISION make God's grace! Despite all the times I stumble, when I don't go to him in prayer as quickly or as often as I should, when I am worrisome even though I know He has everything under His careful, loving care, when I speak my own words instead of repeating His…and STILL I have His grace! God is so good!!!!
Tanya, that was such a timely post...I can't even begin to tell you...In some strange way the words, as sad and true as they are, were such an encouragement to my heart...Sometimes I feel like such a useless vessel, and that's just what I am apart from His grace...Now with His grace, that's a different story, I am useful in His hands, Oh praise Him and only Him alone!
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